The Corner Brownie Squares

Day 9 (February 12, 2019)

Hey there Jesus,

            I made fudge brownies today. None of that chocolate chunk nonsense. Just smooth, sticky, fudge brownies. (I am a bit of a purest, I suppose.) You know what?? For the longest time I have felt like Heaven must smell like onions sautéing in butter (drool) but, if I am honest, the smell of baking brownies just might give that wonderful smell a run for its money. The whole condo smelt absolutely glorious. It took all my will power to wait till the batch cooled before digging in. Those corner squares were callin’ my name. There is something about their crunchy outsides and chewy insides that just makes everything feel right in the world. (At least for the minute it takes to eat them anyways.)

            Lord, thank you for brownies. (Oh, and of course, hot cocoa and ice cream.) Baking really does bring me joy, and since I took some major steps back the last couple days, I thought it high time to bring some joy back into the mix. Plus, brownies are the gift that keep on giving because not only do I love to bake them but, holy moly, do I love to eat them. How great is it going to be to have one joy filled, chocolaty, square a day!? (Wait, who am I kidding?) Ha, never mind, you know very well that I will be eating, at least, two a day especially because Dane is on a diet. I feel so bad for him! (Don’t laugh, I really do wish we could share these brownies. Okay, well, I will admit the thought that I do get two extra corner brownies does make my heart skip a beat.)

            Baking brownies might seem like such a trivial little pastime but, during this week, I believe it will play a vital role. The thing is, Jesus, that I had to basically restart, when it comes to my eyelashes, and that is extremely discouraging. Especially, now, when you take into consideration, the fact that there will not be enough time for my eyelashes to grow back fully before traveling to meet family and friends in North Carolina. You see, for me it takes approximately eight to nine weeks for my eyelash and eyebrow hairs to grow back in, and there are only six weeks left before the trip. This is what put me in such a low and dark space the last few days.

            It is going to be so hard to see people I have not seen in close to a decade, and it will be nerve wracking meeting new people in the community in which we are staying. Honestly, this would be a lot to handle when I am feeling confident, about my outward appearance, but now it will be an even greater challenge. But the tickets are bought, and I am going—even if I do not have fully grown in eyelashes. I have a tentative plan. If I do not pull my eyebrows anymore (a bit of a miracle at this point), then they will be fully grown in by then and that will be one less thing to worry about. That will leave just disguising my eyelashes with makeup and reading glasses. Doable, I hope. All of this is enough to make anyone feel low though. (You see why I needed to bake this week?)

            There has been so much to be discouraged about, and I really needed to combat it somehow. The small act of baking brought so much positivity into my day and that is huge because that positivity has the potential to spill into many more days in the week ahead. Especially, since I will have the chance to have a chocolaty piece of joy each day. Plus, day old brownies are seriously even better! (Something just occurred to me, Lord. Do you even know what a brownie tastes like!?) Ha, I really, really, hope so. Anyways, joy is just so important because joy leaves little room for despair—or the need to pull. Those are two negative things I plan to do my best to live without as I dive head first into this restart. Brownies will go a long way in helping me achieve that!

Always,

Your Daughter Kaitlan

P.S. Jesus, will you please help those who are having to restart their hair pulling timeline as well? Let them not be filled with despair but, instead, allow them to find the thing that brings joy back into their mix. A joy that will spread positivity into their new effort not to pull. Thank you, Lord.

Thank you for reading! If you are new, this is a chronological blog series. It is best read in order. CLICK HERE for the intro.