A Fearsome Thing to Behold

Day 21 (February 24, 2019)

Hey Jesus,

            At church today, I was reminded of a very simple truth: That even though I believe in you with all my heart, it does not mean that I will not suffer while on Earth. Everyone suffers in some way and believing in you does not magically whisk away pain—it doesn’t make me immune to the hardships of this world. I mean you, the Son of the Great I Am, suffered so brutally while here on the earth. So, what would make me, or anyone else, think that we should get special treatment?

            Oh Jesus, it makes me want to weep when I think about how that crown of thorns must have stung and seared your tender skin. My heart hurts when I picture you walking down those streets—carrying that heavy cross upon your back—beaten and bruised. It makes me sick to my stomach that your hands and feet were later nailed unmercifully to that wooden cross. I am so sorry, Lord. So, heart wrenchingly sorry for the excruciating physical and mental pain you endured. All so that my suffering, on this earth, would have an end and my soul could be with you forever. (Am I—a daughter of little faith many times—worth all that hurt, Lord?) My entire being is dying to run to you and hug you as tight as I possibly can because my words feel so small. I need to hug you, so you know how much I love you and just how much your sacrifice means to me.

            Jesus, my Savior, you suffered so much before me and for me. Though I know I will not be perfect, the least I can do is try, with all that I am, to suffer well just as you did. But I am scared. My belief in you has made me an enemy of the evil one, and he wants to break me through my suffering. Jesus, I often feel like I am being attacked from so many different vantage points, and I do break. I break often, Jesus. Is that the point, Lord? Do you need me broken? If so, please use every bit of me. (Every single piece, Jesus.) Hold all my pieces and make me a fearsome thing to behold.

            Make me a mighty warrior for your kingdom. Help me to transform the pain—I have experienced through my hardships with OCD and Trichotillomania—into a weapon for good. Allow my words, and my openness, to shine bright and pierce the darkness that surrounds those who are also suffering. Help me to suffer well in this life, so I can be a little like you and bring hope to those who are hurting. Show Satan, and his helpers, what a formidable foe I have become through brokenness. Reveal to everyone just how powerful and loving you are that you would turn my brokenness—my suffering—into strength.

Always,

Your Daughter Kaitlan

P.S. Lord, will you help those who are suffering mentally to transform their pain into a weapon for good? Can you help them see that their broken pieces can be used to bring hope and encouragement to others? Oh, Jesus, show them just how formidable a force they could be for the kingdom of God. 

Thank you for reading! If you are new, this is a chronological blog series. It is best read in order. CLICK HERE for the intro.