Boys Will Be Boys

Day 20 (February 23, 2019)

Hi Jesus,

            When I am struggling, things can become very “me” focused. So, today, I am proud to say that I did not allow that to be the case. (Today was Dane’s day!) He had mentioned wanting to see another movie—one that was not up my alley whatsoever—and that was totally cool. I can say that pretty easily because he happily decided to go see the movie solo since we had a free movie ticket, and it would cover a D-Box seat. (You see, the weirdo LOVES going to see movies by himself. So, I do not have to feel bad about skipping out of the gross alien movie haha.)

            Soon after getting home, he announced he had a video game date with his best friend. (You should have seen his face, Lord, the boy could not have hidden his happy smirk if he had wanted to.) He has missed his friend a ton lately. But you know what is hilarious, Lord!? Those two are going to be each other’s dates to a wedding at the end of April. Both turn 30 that month too. (His friend’s birthday is actually on the wedding date!) So, you can probably imagine the shenanigans those two are going to get into while celebrating that weekend. Jeez 30, I can’t believe it! Ha, but I will just be over here like, “I’m still in my 20’s lol.” (Well for about 4 months anyways.) 

            For the next few hours, those two guys bromanced hard. Though I wanted to have Dane all to myself, it did make me super happy to see Dane having so much fun—be it virtually—with his buddy. He would pause mid-play, turn around on the couch, and just give me the biggest smile. I knew how much it meant to him that I was “letting” (I use that word extremely loosely) him have guy time. It’s not like he didn’t want to spend time with me, he just really needed some “him” time. So, even though it is sometimes hard for me to share him, I gave him that space. (What can I say? I just love to do everything with him.)

            When I am doing something with him, anything, my anxiety almost completely subsides. (It is the closest thing to peace I get.) My walls come down, and I rely on Dane to tell me if anything is going on that I should be worried about. (Ha, he always tells me he will Pterodactyl cry if I do anything wrong.) Basically, when I say it is hard for me to share him, what I am meaning is it is hard to give up that comfort and peace, he provides me, for even just a little while. So, I hope I did a good job, today, stepping away and giving him space to just be a guy and not think about my needs so much. Lord, I just hope I made him happy and put a few of his wants and needs before mine.

Always,

Your Daughter Kaitlan

P.S. Lord, will you help each and every one of us, who struggle with OCD and hair pulling, to not become overly “me” focused? Many of us have someone in our lives who is always there talking us off the ledge and encouraging us to fight on. Help us all to give up some of our comfort to make sure that those people, who love and care for us daily, have their needs put ahead of ours every once and a while. Let us take a page from your book, Jesus, and learn to be selfless amidst the struggle.

Thank you for reading! If you are new, this is a chronological blog series. It is best read in order. CLICK HERE for the intro.