Toothless Joy

Day 19 (February 22, 2019)

Lord!

            Dane and I got to go see How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World today!!!!! I seriously LOVE the How to Train Your Dragon trilogy. The movies do such an amazing job of transporting you into a fantastical world where dragons and humans not only coexist but create unbreakable bonds together. And, of course, the night fury known as Toothless is my absolute favorite character. He is the cutest, most loyal, spit fire ever. Especially with that toothless grin and protective nature of his! (Ha, I might love the character so much that Dane bought me a Toothless figurine, a while back, which I placed prominently on our TV stand.) I mean how could you not love Toothless, especially after seeing how he loyally, and protectively, loves his human, Hiccup? Makes me think of the bonds we have with our own dogs and cats, Lord. Maple may not be toothless, but she sure does love me with that same loyal fervor and that kind of bond is special. (The unconditional love of an animal, for its human, sure does translate both in film and in real life.)

            Lord, watching this trilogy brings me so much joy, and I am so glad I did not let my barren facial ridges rob me of that joy. Instead, before leaving, I layered on some dark brown eyeshadow along the curved edges of my eyelids, and then covered the rest of my eyelids with a light cream-colored eyeshadow. Since my eyelids are missing brown/black eyelashes, the dark brown color helped give the illusion that the empty areas were still full, and the cream color helped dull the appearance of irritation caused by the lack of protective lashes. All of this made me feel better because I felt like anyone walking around me or quickly glancing in my direction, in the movie theater, would not notice anything out of the ordinary.

            I especially felt this way when it came to my eyebrows because I employed my usual strategy—my beanie. This time, though, I chose to wear my red, white, and blue striped beanie (gifted to me by Dane’s awesome godfather) and found that it worked better than the black beanie I usually use to disguise my gap ridden eyebrow ridges. My striped beanie hugged the bottom ridges of my eyebrows tighter, which allowed me to not have to constantly lift the beanie up and out of my eyes. Lord, that was huge because it eliminated the worry that I would lift the beanie up to far and reveal the missing hairs. I just wore the beanie and forgot about my missing eyebrow hairs. 

            Honestly, Lord, I was going to go see that movie today no matter how my face looked. (I was so excited!!) But, in the end, I was really glad that I had secret weapons I could employ that helped me feel safe and allowed me to fully enjoy the movie going experience. Instead of being worried the whole time that people would notice my facial oddities, I walked through that very public venue able to concentrate on the happiness and anticipation I was feeling about finally being able to see the “final” movie in the series. (We shall see if it truly is the last film lol.) I know I really shouldn’t worry so much about whether people notice my barren facial ridges, or not—or what they think of my missing hair for that matter. But, Lord, I must choose my battles, and today I chose to disguise my struggle from those around me. In doing so, I was able to concentrate fully on the digital magic that surrounded me. I hope that is okay, Lord, because what a joy it was!

Always,

Your Daughter Kaitlan

P.S. Thank you for joys, Lord, especially the joy of getting to watch dragon movies. I ask, Lord, that you spill joys into the lives of those dealing with Trichotillomania (or any other struggle). Please don’t let their hair pulling struggle stop them from experiencing those joys. Lord, should they need secret weapons to help them do that, can you please supply them with the right ones so they can experience their joyful moments to the fullest? Just, please, don’t let any of us become dependent on our “weapons”. Help us to one day be brave enough to run towards joy, completely weaponless, because we deserve to experience joy without our disguises on.

Thank you for reading! If you are new, this is a chronological blog series. It is best read in order. CLICK HERE for the intro.