Zooming Out

Day 32 (March 7, 2019)

Hey Lord,

            The groomsman jacket finally arrived today! And, oh boy, was Dane stressed about how it was going to fit. As you know, Dane was forced to buy a smaller sized jacket, than what normally fits him, because the jacket he needed was never in stock. And, to top it off, the size up was out of stock as well, so tailoring it down to his size was out of the question. As you can imagine, Dane’s biggest concern was figuring out whether or not he would even be able to get his arms in the jacket since the jacket is a slim fit. (My man has quite the broad shoulders, Lord!) Plus, he was also stressed about the idea of possibly having to return the jacket and basically incurring two rounds of ridiculously expensive customs fees. Well, the poor guy had to wait to find out if the jacket would fit since it arrived at the house while he was still at work. So, I tried very hard to assuage his worries, and I hope I was somewhat successful.

            It’s just that I felt your calm assurance, when the package arrived, and I just knew deep down inside that everything was going to work out. I even felt this way before I truly prayed about it, Lord. You knew the desires of my heart even before I expressed them to you. (How loving you are!) I mean, how could I not feel this way, especially after last night, when Dane opened up the electricity bill and, BOOM, there was a letter saying we had paid too much on last month’s bill, so we did not owe anything this month, and a credit would be put on our account for next month’s bill as well. And, of course, it was basically the same dollar amount as the customs fee Dane had just incurred for the groomsman jacket currently sitting in our living room. (Oh, you can be so sneaky in your goodness, Lord!) So, I texted Dane right when the package arrived and told him this:

Honestly, Lord, I just knew you had everything under control, and I wanted Dane to know that. I had no doubt whatsoever that you were going to allow that jacket to fit him. My heart knew that, when he tried it on, the jacket would fit his shoulders perfectly, and he would be able to button the jacket, up the front, no problem.

            Well, I was not home when he tried it on but, once I got home, I instantly looked at him and asked if the jacket had fit. Dane gave me that silly smirk of his. (You know the one, Lord. The one that says I was right all along!) He grabbed the jacket out of the bedroom and came out to the living room to reveal the verdict to me. IT FIT PERFECTLY JUST LIKE I KNEW IT WOULD! He slipped his arms right in and buttoned the jacket up the front with ease. The jacket fit like a glove, Lord! The sleeves were even the perfect length—like they were tailored just for him. (Hmmm, like they were tailored with care and Sovereign precision.) I know what you did, Lord, and we are both thankful. So, very thankful.

            This whole situation kind of made me think, Lord. I seem quite good at having a positive outlook when it comes to other peoples’ worries, but when it comes to my struggles, I tend to be very pessimistic. It seems to be much easier for me to see your goodness and care for others, when they are going through a trial, than to pinpoint all the ways you are loving me amidst my own trials. Why is that, Lord? I want to feel so assured of your goodness in the thick of battle—not just after the fact.

            Maybe I am zeroing in too much on the struggle, and my vision—my focus—is completely taken up by the hurt. If that is the case, then I think it is time I zoom out a bit and allow my focus to broaden so that I see you, and your goodness, along with the hurt. I mean, my focus was broad when Dane was stressed and that helped me see how your goodness was already providing for him—by the electricity credit canceling out the custom’s charge—and it allowed me to know, in my heart, you had the rest of his worries under control. Lord, I so dearly want to look at my struggles, and trials, the way I do Dane’s. Help me to not be so blinded by my hurt but, instead, help me to refocus my vision so I can see just how much your goodness is providing for me amidst the hurt. Lord, help me see you better in the now instead of mainly in the later.

Always,

Your Daughter Kaitlan

P.S. Lord, I am sure I am not the only one who tends to do a better job at seeing your goodness in other peoples’ struggles and not so much in their own. Lord, can you help those of us who feel like those words ring true, to not be so consumed by the hurt we are feeling, especially to the point where we cannot find you amidst the struggle? Help our perspectives to change. Lord, help us to take a step back, and broaden our focus, so we can see all the ways you are providing for us, right then and there, amidst our own hardships. Help us see your goodness more clearly in our battles with OCD and Trichotillomania. Thank you!

Thank you for reading! If you are new, this is a chronological blog series. It is best read in order. CLICK HERE for the intro.