A Good Kind of Distracted
Eyebrows: Week 8 Eyelashes: Week 6
Day 43 (March 18, 2019)
Hey Jesus,
Today, your girl was starting to get a little nervous. I officially leave at the end of this week for North Carolina, and the separation anxiety is creeping in around my heart a bit more. Honestly, I really wish Dane could join me. I know he would have so much fun exploring a place we both have never been. Also, having him around would mean that my anxiety would be far less likely to consume my every waking moment. (Plus, I just love the man and want to have him near.) But I totally understand that he is crazy busy at work right now, and the new schedule coming up is going to take up even more of his time. I suppose I wouldn’t be seeing much of my love anyways, in the weeks to come, so it is actually perfect timing for me to get away and visit with family and friends. My heart will be surrounded by love during a time that could have potentially been very lonely for me.
Now, this might sound like something that really shouldn’t work, Lord, but going out and purchasing items I still needed for the trip actually kind of helped take my mind off my separation anxiety. (Maybe it really isn’t all that weird since menial tasks seem to be a good way to distract myself from things that are weighing on my mind.) I still needed to buy travel sized shampoo and conditioner bottles because, well as you know, my other ones fell behind the washer and dryer and became one with the slimy floor back there. I also needed to get a travel sized bottle of hand lotion and a package of makeup remover wipes. So, Dane and I got all bundled up and decided to walk to the drug store a few blocks away. (You read that right, Lord, Dane came with me since it was a three-day-weekend for him! Wooo!)
The walk was gloriously sunny, but dang that chilly Canadian wind cut straight to our bones. Maybe it was the nip in the air making my eyes water, or just my racing thoughts, but for some reason I felt like my eyeshadow was not doing a good enough job hiding that my eyelashes were runt sized, especially in the direct sunlight. So, after crossing over a bridge, I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and asked Dane to look at my eyes. I asked him to truthfully let me know if my eyes looked terrible because, if I am being honest, my racing thoughts were telling me that our North Carolina friends would totally be able to tell that something was up with my lashes, especially if they were to look at me in direct sunlight.
In the end, I guess there wouldn’t be much I could do to make the eyelash lines look fuller, before the trip, but I just needed Dane to let me know if I had something to worry about. It was supposed to be mostly sunny in North Carolina, and I was hoping my eyes would appear normal in the natural light there. Well, Dane was so sweet, Lord, and assured me (honestly) that nothing looked out of the ordinary. (The thing is that Dane promised me a long time ago that he would always tell me the truth—if something looked off or if I did something wrong—and he would not sugar coat things just to make me feel better.) With my worries somewhat abated, I slipped my gloved left hand through the curve of Dane’s arm, buried my face into the fabric of my blue scarf, and trudged on down the salt encrusted sidewalk with my love.
You know what I was thinking, Lord? Not being able to wear mascara, today, was probably another blessing in disguise because remember that one day, a few years back, when I met Dane for lunch downtown, and it was also bitterly cold!? Remember I had decided to wrap my face in my scarf, on my walk back to the streetcar, in order to protect my cheeks from getting wind burned. It was a short 10-minute streetcar ride back to our apartment (which I was glad for since the streetcar was pretty full), and when I arrived home, I opened the door, took off my beanie and scarf, looked in the mirror to fix my hair, and (BOOM!) thought to myself “for the love of all that is holy!!” Well, unbeknownst to me, the breath that had been escaping my scarf had traveled up my face and was actually warm enough to melt my mascara all over my cheeks. This rookie had entered the streetcar with an attractive look— à la raccoon—and not one person had said a single word about it to me. (Talk about losing faith in your fellow makeup wearing ladies.) I guess I should report that I did not get wind burn that day, or on my walk today, so I suppose, in an attempt to not be vain, the more important thing was successfully avoided.
Anyways, getting back to today, though it took walking to multiple different stores to finally purchase all the miscellaneous items, it truly was a wonderful (FREEZING!) afternoon with my husband. And, as crazy as it sounds, it probably was a much better idea to run errands together than to hang out on the couch and watch movies. Honestly, if we had just sat there, holding hands like we love to do, then my mind would have had plenty of down time to dwell on the fact that I was not going to be able to do that with Dane for a while and that would have probably increased my separation anxiety tenfold. Instead, running errands with him allowed my mind to concentrate on a simple task, rather than dwell on the impending moment of separation, while still getting to spend quality time with my love. And, to top it all off, the walk provided an opportunity for Dane to speak truth to my anxious mind and instill some confidence into me before I leave on the trip. Both those things are absolutely priceless, Lord. So, thank you for my beloved encourager, and thank you for the chance to walk in the cold without looking like a raccoon.
Always,
Your Daughter Kaitlan
P.S. Lord, sometimes we must be apart from loved ones for happy reasons and sometimes for not so happy reasons. Either way, it can be so hard to know that there is a time coming up when we will be apart from a loved one. Honestly, the length of separation—short or long— does not usually matter because being apart from a loved one is tough on the heart. So, I would like to ask that you provide simple tasks (positive distractions) to those of us who are experiencing separation anxiety, so that we can help ourselves not dwell on the impending moment when we must say our “see you laters.” I also ask that, once that moment does occur, you comfort and love on our hearts throughout the duration of the separation because your love is what will provide us the courage we need to live joyfully as we await the moment we get to hug on our loved ones once again. Thank you, Lord. We appreciate you immensely.
Thank you for reading! If you are new, this is a chronological blog series. It is best read in order. CLICK HERE for the intro.