Pretty Big Update

Day 44 (March 19, 2019)

Hi Lord,

            I am one day off, but can you believe I am in the home stretch for my eyebrows!!?? They have come in so nicely, Lord. Honestly, I just want to stare at them because they feel like such anomalies to me! I mean, I expect them to be there now, basically full, but I have also become so accustomed to them not being there, that I half expect my brows to realize this is not the norm and decide to disappear. (Weird, I know, but this time in the growth stage can feel so topsy turvy for me.)

            It is crazy to say, but my left eyebrow only has a few mid-length hairs still left to grow to their full length (in the spot right next to where my unibrow would start). But not to be outdone, my right eyebrow only has a few mid-length hairs left to grow full length as well, but those hairs are kind of spread out throughout its arch. (Not too shabby if you ask me, Lord.) By the start of the next week (DURING MY TRIP), both eyebrows should be fully grown in and good as new.

            Now, my eyelashes are getting there, Lord. As you know, I have been feeling a tad bit discouraged the last couple days because when I look in the mirror, I notice one gap in my right eyelash line that is not growing back in a timely manner. Everywhere else has small to mid-length hairs growing in but not the tiny gap on the right side of my right eyelash line (my right by the way). It is still bare at the start of this sixth week and that concerns me. Dane has been trying to help me stay positive and has been encouraging me to give it more time. I’m trying my best to live out his words, but it is tough.

            My fear is that I have finally reached the day where I have done irreversible damage and those hairs will never return. I suppose I will need to be patient and see. (And pray about it too. I need to not forget to talk to you more because that will help me avoid looking at this struggle through glasses fogged up by vanity.) I guess what helps is putting the little gap into perspective. All the hairs are growing in everywhere else—on both eyelash lines—so what if the tiny gap does not fill in? Will it be super noticeable? No. Will it be the end of the world? No. Will it mean I am ugly? No. Will it make me feel like I failed in my struggle? Only if I let it.

            I probably wouldn’t be so worried about this gap if I did not have the Carolina trip coming up, but I really need to take a step back and remind myself of just how far I have come. Nearly eight weeks ago, I pulled ginormous gaps in both eyebrows but, fortunately, was able to stop myself from pulling all my eyebrow hairs out. (That is extremely commendable considering just how powerful the pulling urges can be.) Now, those gaps have all filled in, and the hairs are almost all at full length.

            Even crazier to think is that, nearly six weeks ago, I pulled every single hair out of my eyelash lines. (EVERY SINGLE ONE.) More growth has been needed for my eyelashes than eyebrows, and the time frame has not provided enough time for all the hairs to grow back, long and lush, before the start of the trip. I have had to stay strong, despite knowing the time frame situation, and that has been really challenging. Honestly, I could have just given up, Lord, and pulled the new growth out. But you know what? I didn’t! And now almost every section of my eyelash lines has hair growing back in, and many of the hairs are at mid to three-quarter length. (Huge positives, Lord.)

            Honestly, I need to not beat myself up so much about one little stubborn gap because my eyelash lines are doing really well in their re-growth process, especially considering the beating they took. Plus, who knows Lord, that little gap may just need a little extra time, and a bit more patience on my end. (And faith, I am sure.) Easier said than done for me, but I will try my very best to not worry so much about it, Lord. I mean, don’t good things tend to happen when you aren’t watching for them? Ha, if that is true, I need to stop examining my eyelashes in the mirror then (just like Dane keeps telling me). Maybe, he needs to hide my little compact mirror. Or, maybe Lord, you could just help me break the habit of staring at my hairs, in the mirror, constantly. That sounds like a better plan to me! What do you say, Lord?

Always,

Your Daughter Kaitlan

P.S. Lord, will you please help others, who are dealing with Trichotillomania, to not feel discouraged if a gap in their eyelash lines is not filling in the way they had hoped? Please help them to put the gap into perspective, and help them see that the gap does not make them a failure. (It does not make them ugly in any way either.) Help us to see our little gaps as character, especially if they do not fill in, because perfection would make us humans far too boring. Thank you!

Thank you for reading! If you are new, this is a chronological blog series. It is best read in order. CLICK HERE for the intro.