You Are Not Unique

Day 67 (April 11, 2019)

Hey there Lord,

             So, Dane and I rehashed all those past demons I mentioned, and today he asked me to grab pen and paper, so I could write down all those demons (plus any current things we had also processed together). He also asked me to put the date up on top of said paper, that way, if any of these demons resurfaced, I could pull this piece of paper out and show my OCD brain that there is nothing to go over because every single thing I was worried about had already been processed and forgiven on April 11, 2019. Now, if my mind ever tries to trick me in the future—if it tries to convince me that my past demons are still up in the air—I can just look at this piece of paper and know for certain, on my own, that things are still fine. Actually, they are more than fine, they are good and settled.

            Can I be honest with you, Lord? I like the usefulness of this piece of paper, but dang I would not want anyone to find it and read it. For example, some of the things written down have to do with inappropriate thoughts. The fact that I deal obsessively with inappropriate thoughts, often times, makes me feel like I am the most horrible—evil—person on this planet. (These past demons brought me to tears, Lord, as I discussed them with Dane.) But, through the tears, Dane made me laugh when he assured me, “Kaitlan, you are not unique. Everyone has these thoughts. Your brain just has trouble letting them go. There are seven billion people in the world. You are not special.” (Hahaha, oh my gosh!!)

            Those were the sweetest words I could have heard in that moment. (Like truly, Lord.) I can feel so alone in my OCD struggle, but Dane reminded me that there are others, in this great big world, who struggle with the same demons I do. (I guess I do not have to feel so afraid that someone will discover my little piece of paper because I bet, if they chose to read it, they would see a little bit of themselves on that page.) Maybe one day I will be introduced to those others—those special people that can relate to me on a whole ‘nother level—and maybe we can open up to each other and share our similar stories of struggle. That way we can each feel less alone with our demons. I know that would make your heart happy, Lord, for you did not intend for any of us to go through things alone.

            Plus, it helps to remember we are never really alone. We’ve got you Jesus. Someone who knows suffering all too well, and someone who can relate to us on the deepest levels. It sure does tug my heart even closer to you, Lord, to know that you also struggled immensely. (Even though, in my heart of hearts, I would have preferred you not to have dealt with suffering.) But, I have to say, I think the Almighty Father knew we would need that deep relatability through you—His Son—because through it we are able to connect to both of you and, once again, feel less alone amidst the struggle. (We would see His love.) It is kind of a strange thing to be thankful for, but I am. And I love you with all my heart, Lord. Thank you for always being there and understanding my struggle. Love you soooo much!!

Always,

Your Daughter Kaitlan

P.S. Lord, we all know I am no licensed therapist—I have no authority to say do as I do—and my words should never replace the guidance of someone’s doctor or other professional healthcare provider. The thing is someone might read this letter and say to themselves, “Hey, maybe this could work for me!?” If that happens, will you help that person to listen to that little inner voice? Can you help give them the little kick in the butt they need to put pen to paper (or cursor to digital note pad) and write those worked out demons down? Let them date the paper so when those old demons resurface, they will know immediately that all is well, and no rehashing is necessary.

But should they be worried of someone finding their little piece of paper, or digital note, (I realize not everyone is surrounded by understanding people) let them think about writing it out in code (something only they could decipher), and then find a private way to secure it—in a spot away from prying eyes—so they can comfortably start to let their demons go. And, Lord, maybe they could also repeat Dane’s “serious” words of encouragement to themselves. “[Insert name here,] you are not unique.” (Said, of course, in the kindest form of solidarity haha.) For it is important to remember, deep down in our souls, there are others out there dealing with similar demons—and they understand our struggle—and we are not alone in all of this. Thank you, Lord.

Thank you for reading! If you are new, this is a chronological blog series. It is best read in order. CLICK HERE for the intro.