Soothing My Anxious Soul

Day 5 (February 8, 2019)

Hi Heavenly Father,

            My soul is tired today and it’s feeling a bit shaky. I have put a lot of pressure on myself to write a letter to you every day as I wait for my eyebrow and eyelash hairs to grow back in. It has been stressing me out, and I literally did not sleep last night because my brain was thinking of all the ways I can make my words meaningful. But you know, Lord, I “woke up” super emotional and anxious about all of it, so I don’t know how spectacular my words are going to be. Especially because when I am tired that is when my anxiety expertly strikes and, often times, I can hardly function due to its perfect attack.

            Dane told me I should curl up on the couch today with a cup of hot cocoa. (He knows I have a weakness for hot cocoa. Remember I had a cup of it the other night right before dinner haha!?) There is something about a steaming hot cup of cocoa that just soothes my anxious soul. I told Dane that I really should do that, but I didn’t know if I could because I would feel super guilty since he is at work wrapping up a movie. You see, I never want to be a moocher—EVER. But Dane likes to remind me how productive I always am and that I am not just some bump on a log doin’ nothing. So, maybe I will have that cup of hot cocoa. Just after I sweep the floors and do the laundry. Okay, God?

. . . (Just a sec. Work is being done over here.)

            Okey-dokey, Lord. I am back. The laundry load is switched, and I am ready to make that cocoa now. But here is the hardest part: Which flavor to make? Should I do double chocolate, caramel cream, rich milk chocolate, or French vanilla? (You know I can’t do mint chocolate because that’s Dane’s absolute favorite and there is only one packet left.) Ha, who am I kidding? Double chocolate it is! No marshmallows needed, but I just might add a dash of cinnamon to make this heavenly drink smell a lot like Christmas.

. . . (Don’t mind me. Just sippin’ peacefully over here.)

            This might seem like a silly letter, Lord, but you know what? I feel a whole lot calmer now. It is just hard to be anxious when I am sitting at the kitchen table—with a toasty warm mug of cocoa between my hands—watching snow fall outside. (You made it snow just for me didn’t you Lord? You sure do know how to make a peaceful moment even more tranquil.) Thank you so much for that.

            But thank you even more for a drink, like double chocolate hot cocoa, that wraps my soul in a warm hug. Thank you for my husband who encouraged me to enjoy this sweet diversion which provided me a moment to quiet my runaway mind and remind myself that you do not ask for letters full of manufactured meaning from me—just honest glimpses into my days as I wait for my eyebrow and eyelash hairs to grow back. (Even if the only truly significant thing in my day is drinking a cup of hot cocoa.) Now, the funny thing is that cocoa is such a simple thing but, boy, does it make a difference as it comforts my anxious soul, and I am most grateful for all your comforts, Lord, simple or elaborate.

Always,

Your Daughter Kaitlan

P.S. Heavenly Father, I have a request to make. Can you please open each one of your children’s eyes to the simple—soul soothing—comforts you have provided for them? Allow them to utilize them often, and let those comforts remind them of just how much you love them amidst the struggle. Thank you!

Thank you for reading! If you are new, this is a chronological blog series. It is best read in order. CLICK HERE for the intro.