Where Were You, Father?

Day 6 (February 9, 2019)

Heavenly Father,

A major battle raged in the wee hours of the morning. I lost.

Did you not hear the call for battle, Father?

I couldn’t stop. My eyelashes are gone—every . . . single . . . one.

Why didn’t you help me, Father?

Over 50 eyelashes were piled up on the lined paper next to me.

Could you tell I was in pain, Father?

Little blood blisters formed on the fingers that did the pulling.

Does it pain you to see my wounds, Father?

Something inside me broke as I felt my salty tears sting the raw skin around my eyes.

Did my tears break your heart, Father?

I felt my heart start to harden, but I told it not to get mad at you.

Would it be wrong if I did get mad at you, Father?

So much suffering—it seems to never end.

Why must there be so much torment, Father?

Finally, I went to bed and cried silent tears. I didn’t want to wake Dane. 

Could you hear the stifled misery, Father?

When I woke up, I found a note that had fallen off the fridge door. It read:

“Present for you in the fridge!! I love you!!!”

Dane’s thoughtfulness always comforts my brokenness, Father.

But he hates when I am hurting, and it frustrates him that he cannot take the pain away.

Let Dane know that what he does is enough and that I love him fiercely, Father.

It is clear to me that my husband is a gift from you to help me in the aftermath.

Thank you for my beloved, Father.

Don’t get mad at me, but there is one thing that I was wondering during the fight . . . 

Where were you, Father?

Always,

Your Daughter Kaitlan

P.S. Heavenly Father, I still love you. All I ask is that you never forget me, or anyone else who is suffering, and that you somehow let us know you are fighting alongside us. Please.

Thank you for reading! If you are new, this is a chronological blog series. It is best read in order. CLICK HERE for the intro.