Dousing the Fire

Day 25 (February 28, 2019)

Hey there Big Man,

            So, I woke up this morning, and my mind was just on fire. I hate days that start out like that. It was most likely because I was super uneasy knowing that multiple deliveries were going to be made at random times throughout the day. Any time I do not know exactly when someone is going to be on the porch, and ringing the doorbell, it puts me on edge. (I just have this unjustified fear, that when the delivery people come on the porch, they will peak through the windows and take pictures or videos of me when I am unawares.) To add to that fear, I was concerned that the delivery people would notice the gaps in my eyebrows when I opened the door to take the packages. I worried they would look at me strange and unintentionally make me feel like a freak. The only thing that made me feel a little better about the whole situation was the fact that I would be wearing my reading glasses, when I opened the door, so the delivery people would not be able to get a good look at my barren eyelash ridges. It was one less thing to worry about.

            Since I was feeling so on edge, I decided it would be a good idea to put on some music that I liked and clean the house. I did not want to have to get on my computer, my phone, or any app on a gaming device in order to listen to music. Getting on all these devices would have just added to my anxiety. So, instead, I played one of my favorite compilation records—ELV1S: 30 #1 HITS—on my super cute baby blue, suitcase shaped, turntable. (My husband bought me the turntable, and the record, last Christmas in hopes that they would bring me peace, and comfort, since I did not have to get on any sort of online media to listen to my music. His thoughtfulness brings me to tears, God.) There is something about that soft crackle, the needle makes as it slides across the vinyl, that just instantly soothes my anxious mind. Oh, let us not forget “The King’s” voice. (Heavenly, is all I got to say.) How could I be anxious listening to a voice like that. Don’t worry, God, Dane accepts that I will always have a crush on Elvis. Plus, it is basically your fault. You gave the man a voice like melted butter!! Remember when I learned that my aunt once had a chance to see Elvis in person—I nearly fell off my chair! Too bad my great aunt had said no. (Ha, them dang swivel hips of his.)

            Anyways, back on track. Though I knew, in the back of my mind, that people were going to come to the door, it really did help to put on a record and clean because it took my mind off it. As I was wiping the kitchen counters down, the song “Jailhouse Rock” came on. It made me think of when I was little, and I did my first tap dance routine to the song. (I was so cute wearing my black and white striped outfit; my spunky little striped hat on the side of my head; and my little Styrofoam ball and chain connected to my right ankle. My old soul was born right then and there.) Listening to that song took my mind off my worries and allowed my brain to focus on a very happy memory. Elvis’ songs, combined with cleaning, really did wonders in calming my jumpy nerves and reducing the stress I felt. That was important because it helped me keep my pulling urges at bay. (God, in that moment, I was able to keep the overwhelming fears at a manageable level and this allowed for no new damage to be done to my facial ridges.) So, today I think I must thank the king of Rock ‘n’ Roll because, at least for a little while, he kept me from feeling, “All Shook Up.”

Always,

Your Daughter Kaitlan

P.S. God, will you please help other people, who also feel like their minds are on fire, find a song or two that will help douse the inferno? Allow the songs to reduce the stress they are feeling, so that their pulling urges do not become intensified. Let the lyrics bring back happy memories that take their minds off their worries for a time. Just let the melodies quiet their intrusive thoughts and bring peace to their overwhelmed minds. Thank you, God.

Thank you for reading! If you are new, this is a chronological blog series. It is best read in order. CLICK HERE for the intro.