Date Night!

Day 27 (March 2, 2019)

Hi Lord,

            Dane and I went out to dinner for the first time in eons it feels like. (Our go to is definitely ordering Japanese food for delivery! Perks of living in a city!) We both got dressed up a bit. He was looking mighty sexy with his plaid long sleeve shirt and backwards baseball cap. (I’m tellin’ you, Lord, that man is freakin’ hot in a backwards baseball cap!) As for me, I wore my cream-colored sweater with all the sparkles and my favorite heart necklace Dane bought me a while back. We made a fine-looking couple once we unbundled out of our billion winter layers. (Okay, that is a bit of an exaggeration—more like a million.)

            Honestly, Lord, it was more about the accessories that I decided not to wear tonight that made more of a statement, at least, in my opinion. Since I knew the Irish pub was going to have mood lighting—making my face a little less clear—I felt comfortable enough to not wear a head wrap, beanie, or reading glasses. Instead, I straightened my hair and left it unadorned, and this allowed my eyebrow ridges to be completely visible. I also allowed my eyes to be completely visible because I left my reading glasses at home and just wore a little brown eyeshadow, along my eyelash lines, instead. Lord, all of this was a huge deal to me. You see, my eyebrow hairs have not filled in the small gaps yet fully, especially on my left eyebrow ridge, and my eyelashes have only met the halfway growth mark, so they are even further behind in filling in the empty spaces. So, basically, by not wearing my usual extra layers of protection, I opened up my hair pulling struggle to be completely seen. (That is if someone was truly willing to thoroughly—and awkwardly—study my face in the dark restaurant.)

            And, who knows, maybe our waitress did just that, and I did not notice. Even if she did notice that I only had patches of eyelashes, and gaps in my eyebrows, it didn’t matter. When I ordered my go to drink—a cranberry vodka—I looked her straight in the eyes. I did not awkwardly and skittishly move my gaze around her general area. Lord, I confidently had my face raised towards her face. I smiled up at her because as I was ordering that drink, I was thinking, “Kaitlan you are doing it!!” (Pshskbsvkj, I have no words.) It felt so good to just be me, and even though the lighting might have put my facial ridges in shadow—making them less noticeable—I still owned the struggle in that moment. That is something to be proud about. It is progress, Lord! Hopefully, I can use this bout of self-confidence to fuel another breakthrough moment in the coming days. That is a prayer on my heart, right now, Lord. Maybe, just maybe, I can make a similar bit of progress tomorrow at church. We shall see.

Always,

Your Daughter Kaitlan

P.S. Lord, will you help those who are making their way through the weeks of new hair growth feel comfortable enough to go out and do something they love even if their hairs are not all grown in yet? Will you help them feel like they can wear less of a mask as they enjoy whatever the something is that they love? Help each one of us to own the real, and whole, us because that is the person you have always truly seen and loved. Thank you!!

Thank you for reading! If you are new, this is a chronological blog series. It is best read in order. CLICK HERE for the intro.